Monday, October 27, 2008

Being Okay Being Myself

Well the chagim are over and I probably gained like 5 pounds! Soooo many yuntif meals its insane! At least now I'll lose it all eating sushi and salad again. Challah is like my waterloo.

Over the chagim I thought about a lot of stuff, like how much has changed over the passed year. Last year I was in Israel at the beginning of my shana aleph and now I'm in Stern and I feel a lot older.

One thing I've come to realize is that there are a ton of different ideas out there and it's easy to get lost, but you have to choose a path and stick to it. there's no point feeling guilty for being yourself. What I mean is, for example in Isreal I started feeling bad about watching movies and listening to non jewish music and stuff, and I stopped for a while, but I started again because I like it, and you need something to keep you interested and take your mind off things sometimes! So why should I feel bad for it? In stern its very normal, and even though some girls still dont most people do, a lot of girls who are frum and tznius and learn mesilas yesharim and everything still do, and I think its okay. I dont think I should have to feel guilty, I should be able to find my own path and be ok with that, right?


The Babysitter said...

I had that same dilemma. In HS I felt very guilty for it, and by yom kippur of tenth grade I said vidoy with so much Kavannah that I was sorry for watching movies. But then from online it seemed like everyone did that stuff, so I became ok with it and figured it's just an American thing, and so long as the content is ok then I figured there's nothing wrong with watching or listening to it.

tofuttiQT said...

Wow you're totally me! Lol! I'm glad we came to the same conclusion so now we could meet on the blogosphere!

The Babysitter said...

yea, it was cool to read your post and be able to relate to it so much.

nice meeting you!

EsPes said...

not necessarily with this- but in general- usually when u feel guilty about something, then its probably wrong.
i watch movies too, and of course i wish i didnt, but ive come to terms with that fact that im just not on that level right now, and theres other things that are probably more important for me to focus on.

but dont change what you believe in just because its "normal" and "everyone does it" in stern!

but also remember that watching movies doesnt make u a bad person!

tofuttiQT said...

Well the thing is that there are people who say things like watching movies are wrong and some people say theyre not, and obviuosly watching really inapropriate movies is wrong, but if theyre pretty clean some people say its ok to relax if you have to. And also at home my family watches some movies and i grew up that way. And in Isral where theres so much less tumah its so much easier to want to be kulo torah, but in america its not always so realistic, and ya i think there are more important things to work on. thanx for the comment!